I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
