Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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