I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize