and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ππΌ
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you π
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience π€·π»ββοΈ
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize