Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
