hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so let's talk penis.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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