Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
