I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
