Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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