I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
