so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
