i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
