THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
