She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
