God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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