Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
