got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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