I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
