You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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