This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
