xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
