Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is my gift to your gina
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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