she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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