I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
