I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
