Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
