Got a toothbrush?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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