I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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