Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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