can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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