If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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