also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
