I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
