I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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