i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize