Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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