I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
