That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
