just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
