I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We're too hungover to prance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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