I just pynch a tree in the face
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
