I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
