Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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