I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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