i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
