we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
