Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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