You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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