girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
