Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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