I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize