Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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