My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
