Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
