To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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