i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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