On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize