Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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