i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
