Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
