Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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