Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
