Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
