i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I believe in your delicious
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
