How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
