literally had 100 drinks last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
