It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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