i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am never drinking with the goths again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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