Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
