Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
