I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
