I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
