meet me or not, i'm out of control
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
