We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
