Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
