I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
