Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
