So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
